How Forgiveness Lead me to my Miracle
By Amber Mocarski
After being married for five years, my husband Ryan and I decided we would really like to start our family. I grew up with a congenital heart condition so there was a lot of fear regarding how my heart would handle pregnancy that I needed to work through before we finally felt ready.
After almost two years of trying, I started to become fearful that maybe it wouldn't happen. I had been really seeking the Lord this whole time. We had some supernatural things happen involving rainbows and also one night in the middle of the night, I was praying and cast something out of my house and the garage door opened at 1:30 in the morning. I called my neighbor and he came rushing over because I thought somebody was breaking into the house.
So we definitely had some supernatural things happen, right? I knew that the Lord was with us. I felt he was with us the whole time. We were praying about whether to go see a fertility specialist. We decided to just go and see what he says and then pray about it.
So the night before the appointment , I was reading a book and the chapter I was in was about pride. So I was learning in the book that pride puts veils over your eyes so that you can't see things clearly. So I was sitting out back on my patio and I was praying and asking the Lord to lift any veils that I had over my eyes, especially regarding this issue. As I was praying I opened my eyes and I saw this rock that was under our deck.
It was not a boulder, just a big rock that we had been using to make a decorative area and we had extras. So there was one left and I saw it and I felt like the Lord had really called my attention to it and that seemed really weird.
So, I literally said out loud: "Lord, is that you? Are you trying to tell me something about this rock?" and I remember thinking, "Girl, you have lost your mind." Anyway, it really was the Lord, because of what happens next. So as I was there looking at this rock, I just sat there quietly for a minute and what came to mind was a story about the Israelites crossing the Jordan River. They took stones from the middle of the river and stacked them on dry land as a memorial for future generations in recognition of what the Lord had done.
So that was pretty cool and I thought "Wow, I have probably only read that story once in my life." I knew it was the Lord because I wasn't thinking about it. It just came to me, and I couldn't even tell you exactly where that story is. I don't really know the verse. So I knew that was the Lord.
So, I heard the Lord say, "You should move that stone under your tree or somewhere special because you're going to have future generations that you're going to talk to about what I did for you."
Well, I didn't move it, by the way, but I thought, "That's so cool" and I felt very comforted. The next day in the morning I was praying. We were getting ready to go to the fertility specialist doctor after work that day. So I'm praying, and I felt like the Lord said to me "In order to break pride, you need to call your ex-husband." I was married before for a very short period of time and he said "You need to apologize to him." That relationship ended because I was very young and it was somewhat abusive, so I got a divorce.
I thought, "Call him and apologize? What?" I felt like the victim all these years. He had actually called me and apologized to me once a couple of years after we got divorced. I said I forgave him on the phone, but I really didn't, I just wanted to say that. So when I heard from the Lord that I needed to call him and apologize to him for any portion that I had contributed, I felt angry and confused. I just remember thinking, "Are you serious?"
So I went to work and when I had a break, I thought "You know what? I really know this is the Lord speaking to me. I've never known it more than I know it now. I'm just going to do what he told me to do." So just out of sheer obedience, I picked up the phone and I called this man that I had not talked to in...I don't know, years and years. He actually answered. I had already prayed that the Lord had softened his heart. So I told him why I was calling and that I didn't mean to bother him. I was so shocked when he was really responsive. He told me that I didn't need to apologize, but he released me from anything that I had a part in. He apologized again that he didn't do a better job of being mature and leading our family and that he had hurt me. So we were actually able to forgive each other.
Keep in mind that this is the day Ryan and I are going to this fertility doctor. This is a big day! I was getting ready to hang up, it was about a 20-minute conversation and it was so positive. I couldn't wait to tell Ryan that I had actually done it, that it went well and how much better I felt. Right before I hung up he asked me "How's your faith?" We had just talked about how he had a child already and he asked if we had kids and I had said no and I told him what was going on. So I responded "My faith? Well, you know I have a faith and it has been really strong, but I'll admit, right now I'm struggling.
He said "Well, I hope you don't mind, I think I have a word for you." He told me it is important to write down everything the Lord has done for me up to this point in my life to help build up my faith. He told me it’s important to remember these times when the Lord has been faithful because we don’t really build physical memorials like they did in Bible times. He asked me "Do you remember in the Old Testament there's a story about the Israelites crossing the Jordan?" "So, I'm like what?!” I said "Yeah, I know the story" and he told me, "You know, they built a memorial, they put some rocks..."
I started absolutely sobbing on the phone and I didn't really tell him why, but I just was crying and I thanked him so much. He told me "you need to write down all the things that the Lord has done for you up until now because we can't forget the things that the Lord has done for us, we need to preserve those for our future generations." When he said that phrase I knew this is the Lord speaking!
On the way home I called Ryan and I told him "Something's going to happen!" We went to the fertility doctor. He talked about medications and shots and procedures and costs and we went home. We saw a rainbow on the way home, by the way, it wasn't raining, but there was a huge rainbow over our car.
The very day that I was supposed to pick up a prescription for some medication from the fertility specialist that we could try for a few months, I found out I was pregnant! With no medication, with nothing but the Lord! No intervention and we didn't have to pay anything.
So, I looked back in the calendar and I realized that when we probably conceived Ezra was right around the day after I had talked to my ex-husband and we went to the doctor. It had to be right around that time!
This is the first time in my life I feel like I have a true testimony. An undeniable confirmation that God is real, He loves us, He saves us, He restores us, and He forgives us.
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